Maya Angelou passed away at age 86 after a full, colorful, vivid life. I never met her, but this poem came to me after I heard of her death on Wednesday. With all that is being written about her in celebration of her life, here is my offering:
5/28/14
Maya Angelou
1928-2014
And the day came
which some had feared
more than anything
and some looked forward to
the end of human suffering
the end that is also a beginning
and how the birds are singing!
Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014
This Space of Grace blog is moving soon to a new home, integrated into my newly designed website, FullBlooming.com. All the same posts will be there in the archives and I will be writing more than ever. I am grateful to blogger for this time of connection (since 2009) and I trust I will see you all (and hear from you too) at the new location. You will be automatically transferred, you won’t miss anything so no worries. Thank you to all my readers and to those whose comments encouraged me to keep writing.
Recently I have been researching family history online. Many reasons why this is the time to do it. Questions to answer like: is what I remember actually true? Here is a new poem:
Peony by the Driveway, 2012 Copyright MDMikus
2/8/13
My mother, one year maybe in the ‘70’s,
took the time to gather all the family photos
and for each of her 7 children made a life story
with bits of baby hair, maybe a curl from the first haircut,
and the tiny beaded wristlet from the maternity hospital
with DUBAY and a blue medal of the Blessed Mother.
Baby pics, posed and natural,
some of us looking so similar, had to tell who was who
by the year on the back or other cues.
And inside the front cover an envelope of negatives
was taped to later make some prints.
In mine, a copy of an old letter from my Grandma Schulte
with news to reassure her daughter, my Mom,
that my brother and I were alright staying with her.
She wrote our daily schedule including snacks and naps,
a newsy description of our interests,
her frequent concern for my hair to stay out of my eyes—
the solution: to give me a permanent.
The love X 7 poured into each album,
her lasting gift, I opened today
and found how close or far off was memory,
how radiantly beautiful
was my mother.
Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2013
Mom and Me in 2009 Copyright MDMikus
Petunia (C) 2012 Margaret Dubay Mikus
I met Jean McGrew in 1998. She was 14 years older and a retired kindergarten teacher. Some years before, she’d had a liver transplant (following hepatitis C). Jean wrote poems to her new life-saving liver, “Oliver,” among other things. We connected right away, in part because we both were poets writing about healing, in part because we were each on a spiritual quest and liked to laugh.
Several times a year we would meet for lunch at Hackney’s in Lake Zurich, IL and catch up. For the last few years, we were in contact more by email. She was always wonderfully upbeat and optimistic. I attended one of her extraordinary “Healing Basket” presentations where she used props from a basket to accompany her stories and poems. Lovely and moving. I encouraged her to get her inspiring poems out into the world where they could help others. She ultimately self-published four poetry chapbooks. She enthusiastically read my work and encouraged me to keep writing, not to get discouraged and give up. Really, we were mutual mentors.
Though our life stories were different in many ways, we were also kindred spirits. I wrote two poems for her when we first met. She was surprised by how different it felt to have someone write for her for a change.
In August, just a month after my Mom’s death, I got a call from Marcia, Jean’s daughter, with the news about Jean’s peaceful passing. (Thank you for the call, Marcia!) Here is a recent poem I wrote about Jean. It refers to Monet’s bridge at Giverny, France, which Jean used as a healing symbol during chemotherapy, eventually having her picture taken on that very bridge after recovery. I will deeply miss her.
8/29/12
(Call from her daughter, Marcia)
So I did hear after all
when Jean heard the call
and left this life
as she lived it,
on her own terms,
with spunk and clarity,
family gathered round
for the last peaceful breath,
comforted by their mutual faith.
I miss her encouragement,
optimism, healing words, determination,
contagious inspiration, poetry, good humor,
writing to her heart or liver,
envisioning Monet’s bridge at Giverny
to cross over the ocean back to health,
her talks at the library, wellness, and senior centers
complete with healing basket of props,
poems, stories, heartfelt collections,
compassion, support, persistence,
lunches at Hackney’s in Lake Zurich.
Miss you, rare kindred spirit!
Inevitable I reach an age
where my mothers are gone
and gone and gone and
I am left
mothering
on my own.
“We are always close
in heart and spirit,”
she last wrote to me.
Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2012
Updated on July 18, 2018:
What specifically could we do for healing relationships (including with ourselves), radiating this healing out into the world. In my experience this practice can dispel disharmony between people (feels like kind of an untangling):
Tonglen Meditation (I originally learned about this in a workshop with Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. in Chicago in 1995.)
Tonglen is from Tibetan, meaning giving and taking (or sending and receiving). It can be a powerful tool to transform negative into positive, what is tangled into smooth. There are many forms of tonglen (see Google). This is my own version, which I taught, re-shaped a bit over the years with my practice, understanding, guidance, and study of healing. There is no one right way to do this. No particular belief is required, just entertain the possibility that this might be helpful and see what happens. Much is accomplished by the power of intention. The basics are: Breathe in, pause (transform), breathe out. Here are the long and short versions.
Long version:
–To get ready: Find a quiet place and get into a comfortable and supported position. Uncross legs or ankles. If you are sitting, feel your feet fully on the floor if you can. Take three deep letting-go breaths (if possible, fill the belly with air and let out noisily). Close your eyes.
–Then envision a gold luminous light above and slightly in front of you, washing over your body, cleansing all the dark grime from every cell in your body and washing it out through the feet. You may feel lighter.
–Next focus on your heart, perhaps placing your hand on your chest, becoming aware of the warmth, energy, and power of the loving furnace of your beating heart.
–Picture yourself in your mind. Breathe in any dark grime that may be covering your own heart-light. Pause briefly as the darkness transforms into love by the power of your heart-furnace. Breathe that love back out to yourself. Repeat for perhaps a minute or two or until it feels done to you.
–Next envision someone close to you. Breathe in any darkness that may be covering their heart-light. Pause briefly as the darkness transforms into love by the power of your heart-furnace. Breathe that love back out to them. Repeat until it feels finished, maybe a minute or two, whatever seems right to you.
–Now envision someone you are at odds with. Breathe in any dark grime that may be covering their heart-light. Pause briefly as the darkness transforms into love by the power of your heart-furnace. Breathe that love back out to them. Repeat until it feels done, maybe a few minutes or whatever seems right to you.
–If someone else now comes to mind, continue this process. You might also envision an organization or troubled region, specific people or whatever seems appropriate to you. A group can also do this together (perhaps in the same place or just at the same time).
–And finally, very important to finish up with gratitude, perhaps thanking any guides you may work with (or none). Breathe normally for a bit, just feeling grateful.
Short version:
You can use this whenever someone throws you off. Say you are shopping or driving or at work and something happens with someone that feels yucky. You notice, stop a minute, breathe deeply, focus on your heart energy, and right then breathe in the dark clouds covering the heart-light of that person, transform the darkness in your heart, and breathe it back out as love, for whatever amount of time feels right. (You do not absorb any negative energy.) End by feeling grateful and breathing normally. And continue on with your day.
Note:
There is no one right way to do this. No particular belief is required, just entertain the possibility that this might be helpful and see what happens. Much can be accomplished by the power of intention.
I have also done tonglen to support healing relationships (which I see as gold cords of light between people). I believe it works for any living thing, including organizations and countries. It feels good to do, calming, empowering, and harmonizing. Practical. Please remember you do not control the outcome. No one can say what will happen after the tonglen meditation. But my experience has always been positive (usually surprisingly so). Good for me and good for the person I was having trouble with. I love win-win situations!
I’d like to know: what is your experience with this?
Tomorrow, my song “Prayer of Lovingkindness.”
Fall Flower from Stella, Copyright 2011 Margaret Dubay Mikus
I am a long-time member of the International Women’s Writing Guild. This supportive organization is going through a painful (and divisive) transition right now. I wanted to do something to facilitate the healing process. Three things came to mind, to share a new poem, the tonglen meditation, and my song, “Prayer of Lovingkindness.” This then is my offering. First, here is the poem, written for us:
2/13/12
(necessary turmoil)
Let us be calm.
Let us each take a deep breath,
let it out loud and long.
Then another.
Let us let go of
unsupported assumptions
and blame and taking sides,
the past is over.
We are creating the future
out of whole cloth…or not.
This sacred time of transition,
unparalleled opportunity
to re-envision the mission,
take the best of what was and
meld into what could be,
let go of what might have been
if only….
let go what you heard
might have happened….
If this collective
is to stay connected
patience and imagination,
minimum requirements for coherence.
We are women, we are writers, we are midwives.
It is our nature to give birth
to a living thing
only partly from our own genes,
to merge apparent opposites.
We are not powerless
waiting for the whims of others.
We can sit in our homes, clear-focused
and imagine the most ardently desired outcome.
With one caution, I set this in motion:
be kind, be generous, envision from certainty of compassion.
We are healers, it is not only what we do
with words or looks or action,
it is who we are, where we put our attention.
So let us heal our beloved organization.
Begin.
Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2012
Tomorrow I’ll post my version of the Tonglen Meditation, a practical and powerful aid to untangling relationships. What in your life is struggling to change and grow? What do you need to let go?