Category Archives: Full Blooming CD

Remembering Susi Roos

In 1993 Susi was recommended to me as a massage therapist to help me cope with multiple sclerosis. She incorporated energy balancing with our sessions, which was new to me. With her help, and other healing professionals. I healed from MS in 1995. As a result, I had a creative re- awakening and began a poetic journal to sing from the Heart. Susi and I continued working on healing through diagnosis, treatment, and recovery from breast cancer. She was a mentor, a partner in healing, a teacher, a student, an inspiration, a supportive friend, a fellow writer, and a colleague.

Snippets that came to mind after her passing (June 26, 2023):

–Susi introduced me to the concept of inner listening (re-connecting with Spirit), even giving me “homework” from our healing sessions to do a quiet time every day to allow listening.

–She introduced me to Rev. Ron Roth and drove us down to Starved Rock for more than one Healing Service.

–She heard about Reiki classes with Bill Farber and arranged for us to go.

–She slowly added energy balancing to our early massage sessions, leading me to Energetic Life Balancing and workshops with Robert Walden? and his wife, Betty Lou Lieber? (I still do some of the daily ELB sheet, every day).

–She had a Spirit Circle gathering once a month and I met Geary Davis there. One time, when Susi was away, we conducted the Spirit Circle. Geary became a dear friend and my acupuncturist.

–Susi had the idea of writing the second set of verses of my song, “Prayer of Lovingkindness,” in present tense, which I sang at the opening or anniversary celebration of Infinity Foundation, and many other places. It is on my CD, Full Blooming.

–Susi was the reason I went to the Cancer Treatment Center after my second round of breast cancer, 11 years after the first, (I did not end up staying there) where I met Katherine Puckett, who I now know through folk music and Facebook, a small world.

–Susi was a great supporter of my writing. Sometimes I would read new poems to her as part of our sessions. When she was at the Healing Center in Glenview? she sold my cards and books at the store there.

******

From my first book, As Easy as Breathing: Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation, Poems, Letters, and Inner Listening:

In Gratitude

Many people answered my call for help, some whose names I never knew. Although I cannot thank each of them individually, I am most grateful for their timely presence in my life. Special thanks to my medical team, particularly Noreen Kelly, Cathy Lanigan, Steven Bines, Janet Wolter and Michelle Goodman. Your warm support, kindness, and listening made all the difference. I would also like to acknowledge the following people. Warm hugs of gratitude to Susi Roos, who was my partner in the healing dance and who guided me toward inner listening, and to Barbara Racioppo, who made a safe and loving space for me to consider and risk healing. I am grateful to Ron Roth for being his loving, healing self and for laying out the choice: whether “to become bitter or better.” His support meant a great deal to me. Following treatment, Fran Rubens helped me to revive and restore, stimulating me to grow on all levels. Thank you. Thanks to Tricia Higgins for her gift of sight, great hands, open heart and willingness to read my early manuscript.

Kip Snyder helped me recover and trust in my true voice. Without his unconditional support I would not have risked sending such personal work out into the world. He also gave me the idea for “Bird Poop.” Thank you so much. I am most grateful for the detailed comments and encouragement of Chris Belz. His words buoyed me up in difficult times. Thanks to Jean McGrew whose healing journey, friendship, and beautiful poems warmed and inspired me. The writing of Mary Oliver, Lisel Mueller, Jane Kenyon, and Natalie Goldberg opened the door for me, making it seem possible for me to write. I am deeply grateful to Cynthia Zeki Riley for her generous support and comments on the final manuscript of this book. Thank you all for doing what you do and being who you are and sharing it with me.

My deepest love and heartfelt thanks to my generous husband, Stephen, who was willing to walk with me on this winding, sometimes dark, sometimes luminous road, and to Blake and Alex, whose love and hugs kept me connected to the earth.

 

Prayer of Lovingkindness

May I be at peace.
May my heart remain open.
May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
May I be healed.
May I be a source of healing for all beings.

May you be at peace
May your heart remain open.
May you awaken to the light of your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for all beings.*

May we be at peace.
May our hearts remain open.
May we awaken to the light of our own true nature.
May we be healed.
May we be a source of healing for all beings.

******

I am at peace.
My heart remains open.
I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
I am healed.
I am a source of healing for all beings.

You are at peace
Your heart remains open.
You awaken to the light of your own true nature.
You are healed.
You are a source of healing for all beings.*

We are at peace.
Our hearts remain open.
We awaken to the light of our own true nature.
We are healed.
We are a source of healing for all beings.

*The second and fifth verses may
be repeated three times:
–first time: envision a loved one
–second time: envision someone you are at odds with
–third time: focus on a particular troubled spot of the earth.

Thus, the prayer starts with you and ripples outward like a stone dropped on a clear pond.

Susi Roos had the idea to write the second set of verses in present tense, a powerful expression of healing.

Words to the Buddhist metta ( lovingkindness) meditation adapted
from Pocketful of Miracles by Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.

Sung on my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal
Vocals and music by Margaret Dubay Mikus

 

11/3/95

To S.R.: Thank You

Thank you for the songs
at just this perfect time,
songs that nurture and support
those newly healed places,
songs of true inner knowing
and connection.

These are songs that
make me tingle and cry
with their truth
and love and joy.
These are songs that have
the power to uplift and enfold.

Thank you.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1995

From my poetic journal

 

11/20/95

Anger

I need to release some old baggage
to do what I set out to do.
A chunk of this turns out to be deep anger
directed at my long ago self,
having grown and mushroomed in the meantime.
When I think of letting it out,
it seems to me to be a white hot flame
that will melt everything in its path.
It feels quite dangerous to send anger out
to wreak such destruction.
But there is also a voice in my head
from someone I heard recently:
“Believe that you are harmless,”
meaning it is safe to let the anger go
no matter how it seems to feel;
the result will be fine, no harm done.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1995

From my poetic journal

 

11/28/95

To S.R., My Dancing Partner

It incredible to me
that we ended up partners
in this bi-weekly parallel dance.
First one leads, then the other
in perfect rhythm and harmony.

It is no coincidence that our lives
cross in so many different ways,
spiritual explorer, writer, healer,
teacher, seeker of truth,
mother, daughter, and wife.

To mix in another metaphor;
it seems to me that we are
two perfect blooming roses,
one, an early spring blossom,
the other, a later blooming variety.
Both exactly right and magnificent,
just what the garden needs.

These past years we have both grown
and changed and bloomed the more fully
side by side.
All at the perfect time;
changing with the seasons.

Speaking for myself,
this healing dance that we do
has been nourishing and nurturing.
Your intuition and Connection
continue to amaze and delight.

What an awesome, incredible woman you are
with all these pieces aligned!
The perfect mirror for me to see
reflections of my true self.
It has been a joy to watch our petals unfold.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1995

From my poetic journal

 

1/14/96

To All My Greek Columns

I have been drawn to you
and drawn you all to me,
for the purpose of building
a new temple that is luminous
from the light within.

This temple shimmers
with a glow so intense it radiates
out to all who pass by.
This is a place where people can come
to see and be seen, to heal and be healed.

You all have been the columns
that supported this growing structure,
Greek columns, each beautiful and unique,
each providing your own kind of support.

Initially the temple in my vision
was just a glowing mist in my head,
with the Greek columns at the base.
It has now become a firm structure
with your support incorporated.

Thank you.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

From my poetic journal

 

7/13/96

To S.R.

When the haze
lifts,
am I frightened
by the light?

When mist
dissipates,
is the world
all the more clearly fear?

When fog,
so dense I can taste,
no longer safely
encloses,
then…then
do I welcome back
clarity and color,
fullness of living and loving?

Or do I retreat,
shivering in fear
under dark covers?

Fear comes in many guises.
It doesn’t have to be
heart-pounding and
brain-numbing;
it could be a tiny voice
that says “It isn’t safe”
and is believed.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

From my poetic journal

 

11/26/96

Thank You to All

Never was it more true
we do not heal alone.
When did this part
of the journey begin?
Possibly with Carol
and Judy who sent me.

And another Judy who sent me
to Barbara who sent me to Susi.
Thank you to all.

Then there was Bruce and Pam
and Noreen who watched over
and Cathy and Art, who played
his part. And all whose
names I only briefly knew.
Thank you to all.

To Steve and Janet and Shalina,
two medical students, Mike and Bill,
two nurses, Dorothy Ann and Heather,
whose minds were willing and hearts were open.
To Walter who did “anesthesia by distraction,”
and to Michelle and Madeline, Sheila, and Sally.

To Bill and Bill and David and Betty,
Tom and Lynn, Eleanor and Gabrielle,
Depak and Louise, Joan and Bernie,
Mary Ann, Susan, Peter and Thomas.
To Caroline, Sam, and Cecilia;
Peggy and Pam, Etta and Mary Ann,
Toni, Merle, Joe and Dora,
Jane and Jan, Mary and Sarah.
To Nancy and Lisa, Cathie and Lou.
Thank you to all.

To Stephen and Blake and Alexandra,
there from beginning to never-ending.
Thank you, my sweets, thank you.

To Dorothy who came when I called
and stayed connected throughout.
To Virginia and Marie,
Barbara and Rae,

Chris, Emily and Raechel.

To Elaine and Jo Lynn.
To Francis and Karen and Ken.
Thank you to all.

To Margaret and Elizabeth,
Joanne and Cheryl, Ron and Paul.
To Anita, Ann and Anne,
Julie, Ginny, Kip, and Don,
Ruth and Evelyn, Beth and Sue.
To Ana and Marie, John and Mary Anne,
Barbara, Johnny, and Aubrey.
To Chuck and Joan, Miriam, Kelsey, and Kelly.
Thank you to all.

To Carol, Heidi, Yvette, and Yvonne,
Annemarie, Meryl, Karen, and Carolyn.
To Yanni, Renee, and the singing Benedictine monks.
To Susannah, Hildegard, Susun, and Neal,
Marianne, Andrew, and Rachel…
Thank you to all.

To all who sent and all who received,
all who asked and all who listened.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

From my book, As Easy as Breathing

 

12/12/96

I Am Not/I Am

I am not a particularly good Susi
or Barbara or Stephen.

I am not a wonderful Alexandra
or Virginia or Dorothy.

I am not a terrific Tom
or Bill or Bob or Lucia.

I am not a marvelous Cheryl
or Lauren or Pamela or Karen.

I am not a superb Theresa
or Hildegard or Mary or Blake or Ron.

I am…truly
a magnificent Me.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

From As Easy as Breathing
and one of my Life Support Cards (TM)

 

1/8/97

Easy Flowing

And so our tracks
from parallel, gently…gracefully…
separate, edging further apart,
no longer as from wheels
on a single vehicle.

And so our paths do part,
each enriched by the other’s richness,
as tributaries from a great river
that come together for a time
and then split off, flow enhanced,
to each deposit fertile soil
on new and different territory.

How easy can be
this flowing together
and flowing apart.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1997

From my book, As Easy as Breathing

 

1/8/97

Where Can a Teacher Go to Learn

I am no longer a beginner,
except as each day
is a new beginning.

I have done and felt and healed
and explored and learned
for long and continuing.

I am ready, willing and
more than able to teach
and to continue learning.

I have found what is time perfect,
a puzzle where all the pieces fit,
and now I need gentle direction

and guidance. “Just listen,”
I hear and know that is right;
it is not outside, but within.

Where can a teacher go to learn?
Anywhere that resonates.
Anywhere she chooses.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1997

From my poetic journal

 

6/22/97

The Glitter-Laden Bockwinkels
(at Starved Rock)

The glitter-laden Bockwinkels,
smiles upon their faces,
skin sticky from
hiking in the forest,

came to a party
dressed as themselves.
Yuri ate cake on a stick.
Frosting found Kira’s

nose and cheeks and chin.
Chani displayed her easy
prowess at being a dancing
girlish pretzel.

The Bockwinkels range
from small to taller,
each one quite unique.
With gentle hearts and beaming eyes

they clutched their party balloons.
From Kira’s small hand
and teasing, testing eye,
one big sphere slipped out

and floated up higher than
any hand could catch.
Mom Bock tried her best,
even balancing on a chair,

but the illusive ribbon
remained just out of reach.
Still she tried once more,
with support and Kira

on her shoulders, standing
again on aforesaid chair.
The slender brown arm
reached and stretched

and stretched yet further still…
until… the treasure was
happily restored. With secure
loops around small wrists,

the B’s did leave the party,
for quick pics with a wooden Indian,
with smiles and silly faces,
glitter star on lip and forehead,

shiny specks in hair and ears,
balloons swelling under one shirt.
Then off they went,
giggles and energy spent,

packed in the car,
sweaty thighs sticking on seats,
to meet with Dad B and sleep
in the deep with a peaceful heart.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1997

From my poetic journal

 

5/20/05

Invite Fear to Tea

What would it look like, feel like,
to invite fear to tea,
warily circle, then sit, sipping?
No judgment, no struggle,

only acknowledgment and being with,
not to understand or accommodate
or even talk with,
not to lessen or wrestle with.

Just to sit, sipping tea,
graciously, neutrally,
looking eye into eye,
quite normally.

Invite fear to tea,
sit down naturally,
calmly, not as with an enemy,
engage in social niceties:

Sugar? One lump or two? Milk or lemon?
Glance away thoughtful,
not stare or press for conversation,
not in curiosity, not in capitulation.

If ever I could…

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2005

From my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal

Third Healing Offering

Original blog post was on 2/24/12.

Essence of Tulip Copyright 2011 Margaret Dubay Mikus

I would like to share my healing song, “Prayer of Lovingkindness,” which I wrote in 1996. When I read the first three stanzas below, I heard music. This was not usual for me, so I paid attention. I sat at my piano and figured out the notes I had heard. Years later, I was doing healing work with Susi Roos, NP, and she suggested adding on the second part to the song using present tense. It seemed very powerful together–and peaceful. Although  originally shy about singing on my own, I’ve now sung “Prayer of Lovingkindness” at workshops, funerals, healing services, and in the surgical suite with my medical team before cancer surgery at a major Chicago teaching hospital (a story for another day). Read, listen, and sing along with my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal (track # 59). Please share.

Prayer of Lovingkindness

(music by Margaret Dubay Mikus)

The asking:

May I be at peace.
May my heart remain open.
May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
May I be healed.
May I be a source of healing for all beings.

May you be at peace
May your heart remain open.
May you awaken to the light of your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for all beings.

May we be at peace.
May our hearts remain open.
May we awaken to the light of our own true nature.
May we be healed.
May we be a source of healing for all beings.

The answering:

I am at peace.
My heart remains open.
I am awake to the light of my own true nature.
I am healed.
I am a source of healing for all beings.

You are at peace
Your heart remains open.
You are awake to the light of your own true nature.
You are healed.
You are a source of healing for all beings.

We are at peace.
Our hearts remain open.
We are awake to the light of our own true nature.
We are healed.
We are a source of healing for all beings.

And so healing ripples out from you like a stone skipped on a clear pond.

Words adapted from the Buddhist metta (lovingkindness) meditation, (originally I read it in Pocketful of Miracles by Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.)

Song copyright © 2006 by Margaret Dubay Mikus.

Recorded on Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal, (2007), track # 59. Sing along.

Please share!

“Absolution” from Full Blooming CD

Absolution

Am I absolved
because I knew
about these things,
but could do nothing?

Nothing except feel
and write,
nothing except speak
with passion,
nothing except send
healing energy,
nothing except vote
my conscience,
nothing except to be
in the world a woman of peace.

But I could not stop
atrocities, I could not
heal wounds deep,
inflicted by leaders
blind to the consequences
of their actions.

No, I could not do these things…
and yet I continue walking
from one day to the next,
I continue breathing,
and if I am still living
it must be for some reason.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2004

From my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal.
It seemed especially true for me today. Perhaps you too.

Listen here for my poem reading on my Full Blooming CD

Turning “Wagon Wheel” into…Something Else

How will we participate in creating the new world that is becoming, all of us contributing something? What I want to know is: what will inspire the best in us, the most kindness and compassion? How do we keep going in times of trouble and not sink, exhausted, into despair? What will you make from what you have been given, your unique perspective and vision?

On Facebook, in September, singer / songwriter/ performer / artist, Joe Crookston, posted a new video of how he had created a new song from the words of a tired old song (“Wagon Wheel”). I like the metaphor of this process. Watch the video here.

And that inspired me to write this:

9/16/19

Turning “Wagon Wheel” into…Something Else

Inspired by Joe Crookston

Take what doesn’t work—
are you listening—
chop it up, not even all
that compulsively straight

But use it all to create
something else
use it all according to
rules you made up yourself

I like the new song
I like the metaphor
I like the process
the cutting , the choices, the paste

I like the melody, the voice
the instruments, the video of all of it
the hope, the inspiration
the conscious letting go of outcome

I like the decision to share
to include, to invite in. And
in joyful wonder at the birth of a new song
I soaked it in and sang along

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2019

Writing this new poem reminded me of resonant lines from an earlier poem:

“uses the bricks from the wall
to make something else altogether.”

Here is that poem:

2/25/03

The Poet

I am my mother’s daughter
and I am the Mother of my Self—
one who made the form
and one who filled it.

And I am the mother of my daughter,
a beauty like no other.
She forgot to wash her socks until midnight and,
smiling her smile, asked if I could put them
in the dryer and I did…easily…again.

Who rules on any given day?
What boundaries between the roles I play
tying me to sanity?

No instructions, no models or even myths.
In all the worlds there ever were,
no one has ever been exactly like me…or you.

Or has done what we are about to attempt.
I am tempted to stop, not life, but struggle
to be more, to become what I imagine.

But a poet who is fearless,
who carries on regardless,
whose words are kind and true and honest

is more than essential for survival…
is the compassionate and dispassionate glue
that holds it all together,

or later after the fall,
uses the bricks from the wall
to make something else altogether.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2003

This poem was published in several places, including in my book, Letting Go and New Beginnings: A Mother’s Poetic Journey. I also read it on my CD, Full Blooming. Listen here.

Thank you, Joe Crookston!

John Flynn at Folkstage

Artist Head, M D Mikus, Copyright 2007

Tonight I was moved by a passionate, heart-opening concert by John Flynn on Folkstage (WFMT). Often we don’t know the effect we have on others, how even a kind word or smile can make a difference. We do it naturally and rarely hear that it made someone’s day, lifted their spirits, or inspired them. Here is my John Flynn story.

I first met John Flynn after the Folk Festival extravaganza hosted by Rich Warren in 2007. I volunteered to work the CD tables, selling for one of the other artists. Afterwards, I talked with singer/songwriter, Greg Greenway (who I knew). I gave him my (then) new CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal. John was standing right there, wearing a stylishly tilted fedora, and said playfully, where’s my copy? As it happened, I had brought another CD with me and I gave it to him. They both asked me to sign my CD for them, as I asked them to sign theirs for me.

That night I wrote this poem of unexpectedly feeling…belonging—instead of my usual tongue-tied, feeling-on-the-outside, blushing paralysis. Thank you! I still remember and it meant a lot to me.

As you said tonight, John—challenged us all—everyday to do what good we can do in this world. Especially right now. I am telling you, so that you know, you inspired me.

9/11/07

Belonging

For Greg Greenway and John Flynn

(For some reason, or no reason,
to be read in a slight drawl)

So natural like
I was one of the guys
for 10 easy bliss minutes
as if I had always been.

No over-thinking
no shy, red face
just joking as if
this is who I am

that sweet taste
still in mouth and memory
that sweet taste
of belonging.

Not to make too much of
what was just after all
two fine singers talking to me
after a really good show.

But I have to say this
at least just once:
thank you for your songs,
for your smiles in my direction,

thank you for accepting my offering
and treating me…well…
treating me well…as if
I was just one of the guys,

the roving troubadours
who have something to say
and the heart and passion
and drive to do it.

As if…
you saw who I am
right through my skin
deep down, those bleached bones.

So natural like
I was one of the guys
for those 10 easy bliss minutes
as if I had always been.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2007

This is the first of two poems inspired by John Flynn.