Category Archives: healing

Weaving Reality with Fiction: Contemplating Healing

For almost as long as I can remember, reading has been my escape, distraction, teacher, amusement, consolation, friend, and a welcome alternate reality. When my Mom passed away in 2012, it was natural for me to seek comfort in reading. One of the books that drew me in was by Laurie R. King. This poem (from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine) came to me, weaving my real life with her fictional world, making some kind of sense from the (temporarily) numb place I was in. How about you? Any books that moved you or gave solace or understanding?

9/6/12

Reading Garment of Shadows
by Laurie R. King

I couldn’t see myself
on the other side of darkness
you lose a mother only once

what is broken cannot be fixed
what reassurance
could be offered
what meaning or strength

found in contemplating healing?
It is as if I woke with amnesia
unaware of who I am

clues all around of someone
who lived where I lived
and worked and was a friend

but who she is now
or who might know
or what road to follow…?

In the meantime…
sun rises…sun sets
the day is sunny or gray

put one foot in front of the other
the nights blending together
I dream in language I do not understand.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2012

From Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. Print edition now on amazon.com. (Also widely available as an ebook.) Thank you for sharing!

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

Seasonal Smile: Christmas Cricket

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Shell Angel from Barbara– Photo by MDMikus Copyright 2009

In 1996, at this time of year, I had just finished chemotherapy for breast cancer. Surgery was behind me and radiation treatments were ahead. Our small family of four was trying to have a “normal’ Christmas. We put up the tree and decorations, wrapped presents for our two young kids. My husband made the traditional turkey dinner. In the flurry of activity (and some haze of chemo fog on my part) came this poem (based on a true story): To hear me read it    (Track 19 on my CD, Full Blooming)

Christmas Cricket

Just when I thought
nothing could shake me,
a cooked cricket
showed up on our Christmas turkey,

not crispy, but thoroughly well done,
black body sprawled across a browned thigh.

Awakened by the warmth of the oven
from winter hibernation
in a dark, safe place—the roaster,

it began the final journey
in ever increasing heat
and then succumbed,
at least where we could see

before taking a crunchy bite.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

On my CD, Full Blooming
(Listen to poem)

From my book, As Easy as Breathing
(Eric Hoffer Award Honorable mention
in Self-help/ Spiritual)

Joy Angel from Barbara Copyright MDMikus 2009

Joy Angel from Barbara– Photo by MDMikus, Copyright 2009

 

 

Attitude of Gratitude

As part of healing from a traumatic post-surgical experience in 2010, I decided to consciously focus on what I was grateful for. Try it. Start a list and keep going until you are all out of ideas. Shifts the energy big time. Let me know how it goes.

Here is the poem from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing.

2/24/10

Beginning a Very Long List

I am grateful for fading of images
burned on the pliant leather of my mind.

I am grateful for forgetfulness and forgiveness—
for me included.

Some things I don’t want to remember
and write about, teach and ponder.
I am the ever-changing center of it all.

I am grateful for the people who came to help me heal:
those in my circle, those who did one small essential thing.

I am grateful for insides that stay in
and strong muscles, intact skin.

I am grateful to be pain-free, to wear regular clothes,
to eat and digest food, to laugh and blow bubbles.

I am grateful for sleep, for reading, to be able to write.
For clear mind, to climb stairs,

to be able to get out of bed by myself.
I am grateful to drive, to go off alone…and safe.

I am grateful for massage and colored light,
acupuncture, guided imagery, talking, and healing energy.

I am grateful for breaths that soak deep into my body,
for heart pumping in steady rhythm, blood flowing freely in vessels.

I am grateful for clean clothes and fresh sheets,
a cozy comfortable nest of a bed,

warm showers and coconut bubbles sluicing over clean skin.
I am grateful for generous husband, kind children, concerned family.

I am grateful for a future stretching out with possibility.
I am grateful for taste and smell, hearing, touch and sight.

I am grateful for returning clarity and balance, peace and harmony.
I am grateful for timely Olympics, Elizabeth Peters, and Enya.

I am grateful for my fun little blue Mini Cooper in need of cleaning.
For snowy days soon ending in spring, for passing seasons,

crisp air, watercolor clouds, intermittent sun.
I am grateful for warmth and water, softness and firmness,

promise of returning strength, for blue nails like an ocean in the desert,
for girls’ day out, replenishing, restoring.

I am grateful for what is coming, for juicy, rich days ahead
and for what is past, healed and done.

No, I do not need to remember all the dark abyss details
to be grateful I made it again to light.

Did I forget the Loving Others, those guiding ever-present spirits?
I didn’t mean to.

The list is long and continuing: a comfort bear brought to the hospital,
a timely shoulder rub and discussion of the history of Jell-O,

story-telling, a sweet kiss, encouraging words,
so much gratitude every cell is filled with it.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2010

Release of “Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine”

I just early-released my new book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope and Healing. I realized that many people – with a Kindle or the free Kindle app, for example – would not be able to access it at all until November. So at midnight, I let my heartfelt book fly out into the wide world! Thank you to those who did pre-order. I am most grateful! You should get access to the book sooner.

May these poems be a lifeboat, offering comfort, healing, inspiration, and hope. Although telling a personal story, aspects might express something you want to say or help someone you care about. I should tell you it has a happy ending as I came through what seemed like a long black tunnel, “the only way out, is through….”

Includes 11 interior color photos plus the cover.

FrazzleMachine_thumb

Another poem from the book:

6/12/10

Shadow Healing
James Keelaghan at Folkstage

What part of me
is overflowing

What part is a
river dammed up

What part of me
longs for release

What part is tears
flowing unbidden

What part is unkind
or uncertain

I’m only saying
trying to decode a language
spoken in symptoms

trying to heal what
has arisen.

What part of me
is unbending

What part needs
immediate release

What is becalmed
stilled, expressionless

What is inflamed or angry
deserving to be heard

What is in shadow
unforgiven, denied

What part is unloved
buried deep, pushed aside

What is impatient, impotent
small, voiceless

worthy of healing
worthy of being part

of the perfect again-
welcome whole.

What part of me is
weakness unacknowledged

What part is unwilling to rest
and restlessness

What part of me is
tears un-shed and
fears hidden and
words bitten back

What have I walled off
what am I pregnant with

What desperate pleas
have gone unanswered

What part of me is
warring against another

What is revealed
comes up for air

what comes up
light shines upon it

what has light
has hope and promise

anything is possible
anything is possible to heal.

Don’t give up
anything is possible.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2010

Portrait of Michael Smith

On a humid, 86 degree day like today in Chicago, it may be hard to remember what a long and cold and snowy winter it was. After having major surgery in December, my first big outing was to a concert by Michael Smith with my husband, Stephen, and friends, Randy and Wendie. It was a big deal even cautiously walking on the icy asphalt of the parking lot.

Our seats were in the second row. I felt like I could see Michael Smith very clearly, inside and out. The show was both deeply moving and hilarious. Because I did not get to talk with him after the show, an insistent poem percolated all the way driving home. I did not write this as a “fan” poem, but rather what I saw as true. Parts of myself perhaps, reflected back from him.

I read this to a few people and they urged me to send it to him. In tracking down an email address, I learned more about his life and accomplishments. I felt a bit intimidated, but sent it anyway. He graciously responded right away: “Thank you, Margaret. I love the poem.” What a gift! Lit me up for days….

What has someone done for you that warmed your heart unexpectedly?

1/19/14

Portrait of Michael Smith
Concert at Lake County Folk Club

He was not old
but old enough
to be comfortable
exposing bits of his humanness,
to be felt and heard and seen
without disguise sometimes, to be
clever and mischievous, gracious and generous.

To be naked enough
to make us cry or laugh,
you have to put in the years,
put in your time as apprentice,
to gather the stories, weave or live them,
to know what is what,
to see the risks and still be willing

enough so some pieces fit,
and brave enough or fearless
to go out and let out some
of the accumulated multitudes of children,
all the practice paying off, the determination
to deliver the songs yet again.
Amen.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014

From Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing, coming in summer 2014. Check FullBlooming.com for more details.

Here is my reading, in my fourth video.