Category Archives: poetry

A Moment of Grace (meeting Eric Whitacre)

In an earlier post I wrote about meeting composer and conductor, Eric Whitacre. This is about inner guidance that came to me that night.

As I sat in Alice Millar Chapel in Evanston two feet from him, I felt that familiar feeling of smallness, almost wanting to become invisible. I was afraid I would try to speak and fumble with the words, mumbling something inane. I feared not being…well, myself…meeting someone I greatly admired, a gifted musician, a public figure, a gorgeous guy. Normally I am very articulate and love meeting new people. In fact, that night I had met a number of local members of Virtual Choir (and their partners) for the first time. I even read a few of my VC inspired poems for them. But sometimes, unknowingly…all my insecurities get triggered. Have you ever felt this way?

This was my first solo outing after recovery from major surgery in December. It was a harsh winter to be out in, and I still felt vulnerable. I am grateful Elisabeth Smith, a Virtual Choir team member, urged me to not pass up this opportunity.

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I have to say the whole evening was amazing in every regard, restoring my confidence. Several new poems were inspired by that night. Here is one, from my new book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. (Thank you, Jonathan Cohen for generously sharing your great photos.) By the way, Eric is genuinely lovely and warm, insightful and funny, both in front a group and with each person who wanted to speak to him, a rare quality indeed.

2/8/14

Amidst the Buzz
Eric Whitacre at Alice Millar Chapel

“Do not make yourself small”
the silent voice said as I sat at the end of the pew

in the chapel where I’d never been…
and very close to you.

I had become smaller, to not be noticed perhaps,
familiar feeling I could not trust?

As an experiment I let go of
feeling intimidated.

I uncrossed my arms and breathed
air into my body as if blowing up an inflatable doll.

Could I become myself,
risk being at full strength,

no excuses to fall back on if I failed
in my clearly unstated mission?

Breathe, expand, feel energy flowing,
slowly aura grows, needing nothing.

Breathe and hold the space,
no questions to ask, only listening.

Receive what is offered, no control over anything,
feeling awareness of everything,

holding the space for what was to be, as if
every word spoken by anyone was wisdom passed down

for everyone, including and especially for me.
Give and receive, barriers and barricades demolished,

vulnerable and powerful,
the truth suddenly so obvious.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014

From Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing now available to pre-order. Thank you for your support!

Read more posts and poems inspired by Virtual Choir and Eric Whitacre

Why Travel

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Door County, Wis. Copyright 2014 MDMikus

Stephen and I recently took a short break in Door County, Wisconsin, a drive north of us. We have gone there many times over the years. Each time is different. This time I wanted to tell friends there about poems I wrote last year, inspired by them, that made it into my new book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing (coming soon). It was wonderful to be connected through the writing. Of course I also wrote more this year. Here is one.

8/25/14

Why Travel

To open to expand
to try out once
to meet to see

to listen to begin
to taste to experience
away from all past

to shake out the webs from
to consider saying yes
to dip a toe in

to give what has been denied
to break loose
to break off inevitable barnacles

to change perception
to lighten the usual load
to walk in other shoes

to breathe again
to hear music when
to take a chance

and choose.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014

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Sunset, Door County, WIs. Copyright 2014 MDMikus

Portrait of Michael Smith

On a humid, 86 degree day like today in Chicago, it may be hard to remember what a long and cold and snowy winter it was. After having major surgery in December, my first big outing was to a concert by Michael Smith with my husband, Stephen, and friends, Randy and Wendie. It was a big deal even cautiously walking on the icy asphalt of the parking lot.

Our seats were in the second row. I felt like I could see Michael Smith very clearly, inside and out. The show was both deeply moving and hilarious. Because I did not get to talk with him after the show, an insistent poem percolated all the way driving home. I did not write this as a “fan” poem, but rather what I saw as true. Parts of myself perhaps, reflected back from him.

I read this to a few people and they urged me to send it to him. In tracking down an email address, I learned more about his life and accomplishments. I felt a bit intimidated, but sent it anyway. He graciously responded right away: “Thank you, Margaret. I love the poem.” What a gift! Lit me up for days….

What has someone done for you that warmed your heart unexpectedly?

1/19/14

Portrait of Michael Smith
Concert at Lake County Folk Club

He was not old
but old enough
to be comfortable
exposing bits of his humanness,
to be felt and heard and seen
without disguise sometimes, to be
clever and mischievous, gracious and generous.

To be naked enough
to make us cry or laugh,
you have to put in the years,
put in your time as apprentice,
to gather the stories, weave or live them,
to know what is what,
to see the risks and still be willing

enough so some pieces fit,
and brave enough or fearless
to go out and let out some
of the accumulated multitudes of children,
all the practice paying off, the determination
to deliver the songs yet again.
Amen.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014

From Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing, coming in summer 2014. Check FullBlooming.com for more details.

Here is my reading, in my fourth video.

From Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou passed away at age 86 after a full, colorful, vivid life. I never met her, but this poem came to me after I heard of her death on Wednesday. With all that is being written about her in celebration of her life, here is my offering:

5/28/14

Maya Angelou
1928-2014

And the day came
which some had feared
more than anything
and some looked forward to
the end of human suffering
the end that is also a beginning

and how the birds are singing!

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014

Invite Fear to Tea

Sally Barris, in her lovely concert at WFMT in Chicago last Saturday night, sang a song that reminded me of this poem of mine. I wrote it at a rapidly changing, chaotic time in my life when fear felt particularly dominant. I was considering how to neutralize fear’s hold over me. (The second poem was the very next one I wrote, a vivid description you might recognize.)

How much power do you give up to fear, repressing, denying or pushing it under? What if we could…

5/20/05

Invite Fear to Tea

What would it look like, feel like,
to invite fear to tea,
warily circle, then sit, sipping?
No judgment, no struggle,

only acknowledgment and being with,
not to understand or accommodate
or even talk with,
not to lessen or wrestle with.

Just to sit, sipping tea,
graciously, neutrally,
looking eye into eye,
quite normally.

Invite fear to tea,
sit down naturally,
calmly, not as with an enemy,
engage in social niceties:

Sugar? One lump or two? Milk or lemon?
Glance away thoughtful,
not stare or press for conversation,
not in curiosity, not in capitulation.

If ever I could…

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2005
On my CD, “Full Blooming”

And the next poem:
5/21/05

The Edge

Too much has changed
to find the old balance.
As I try to move back,
spikes shred my tires.

The edge of the cliff
is not where I left it.
Can you wonder why
I keep falling off?

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2005

One of the most powerful ways I currently deal with fear was suggested in a Facebook post I read a few months ago. It is an affirmation: “I am free from…” fill in the blank with whatever is troubling you. So in this case I say (aloud or to myself): “I am free from fear” or “I am free of fear.” Immediately I feel much lighter. A way of stating a fervent intention. It may seem too easy, but it is easy enough to do the experiment. Let me know how it goes.