16–“Pam” from “Frazzle”

I am grateful for the many gracious and generous people who came to my aid in my ongoing healing process. Some were in the medical realm. Some were family and friends, and some passed briefly through my life, perhaps delivering a few lines that gave hope or lifted me out of darkness.

It took me 9 months to assemble the poems from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine—what to leave in, what to take out, the editing, re-writing, and designing. Then, I thought of it as a “lifeboat through hard times,” poems to perhaps give voice to loss and offer comfort. Now, I mostly see all the help that came to me on the journey: the walks, music, inner guidance, books, nature, people…

My poems act as memory. This poem tells the story of a woman who helped me years ago. And refers to the previous poem about the gifts of remodeling—clearing away what is no longer serving. I am a saver. I have a hard time letting go things that once were dear to me. One way I’ve found is to take photographs, as many as I need. And then let them go. (It can also help to find a good home for certain things, as in this case.)

Listen to “Pam,” Poem 16 from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing: https://youtu.be/DfovFAC842U

Does this poem bring anyone to mind from your own life? Perhaps you were the “Pam” for someone else?

Listen to more video poems from “Frazzle”

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

15–“Remodeling as a Transformative Device (Better than Illness)” from “Frazzle”

In 2009 the world was in the midst of a major financial crisis and both of our grown kids temporarily moved back home while they tried to find jobs. Somehow we had chosen that time to remodel our house. What started as a specific project in the kitchen, expanded to a much-needed update of most of the house. My office was the only untouched room, although full of stuff from elsewhere. Stephen and I went from being well-adjusted on our own, in a quiet place, to true chaos. In a good way, of course.

Over the years, major illnesses have often been my teacher. I’ve gained many insights and deep healing of body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Was there any other—perhaps gentler—way to heal the past and transform my life? Poem 15, “Remodeling as a Transformative Device (Better than Illness),” answers that question. Listen here: https://youtu.be/TM_AvrHwE_Y

FROM:

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

Listen to more video poems from “Frazzle”

14–“Scene: The Future” by Margaret Dubay Mikus

Some background:
In 2007 I was diagnosed with my third breast cancer tumor following a routine mammogram. Further testing showed I carry a BRCA 2 mutation, one of the genes which can lead to an increased risk of cancer. (My molecular genetics science-self found this to be a very interesting gene–as long as I didn’t think of it as affecting me.) I was stunned. This was 11 years after my previous cancer diagnosis and I thought I was done with all that.

It was summer. I sat on my garden swing in the back of the yard, to let the fear subside. I listened to my inner guidance and let the answer come to me…what to do? After gathering information and consulting with many people: doctors, family, dear friends, I decided to have the bilateral (double) mastectomy. Since I had so much radiation with the previous treatment, the tissue was very scarred and I did not to do reconstruction, a very personal choice. This is the kind of decision that jars you not just at the time, but later, when grief for what is lost can surface unexpectedly.

Writing continued to be essential to me during that time. Although not many of those poems have been published, my chapbook, New Year’s Eve Surgery, has a few poems I collected to give to my medical team. I needed them to know something about me—after all, they would be doing a very personal surgery and had not even met me beforehand. My sister had the idea for the entire medical team to sign my copy of the chapbook and they wrote me amazing healing notes of support. My poems changed the conversations from very medical and impersonal to very human and healing.

What insights came to you through medical experiences?

In Poem 14, “Scene: The Future,” from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine, I am thinking ahead to a future when cancer treatment may have changed a lot. Listen here: https://youtu.be/05q2-bgEpQo

Listen to more video poems from “Frazzle”

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

13–“The Crack Between” by Margaret Dubay Mikus

With our complex lives, sometimes there is only a tiny space to write, when inspiration insists. Here is a poem that came through that space one day. Poem 13, “The Crack Between,” from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing:   https://youtu.be/35taG1fpLOo

When I first started writing my poetic journal 21 years ago, I had spiral notebooks stashed everywhere, so whenever a poem came to me I could write it down. I would even jump back out of bed at night…multiple times. I was intoxicated by the creative impulse. I knew if I waited, those specific compelling words would vanish and that poem would be gone.

After a point I realized I had to have some balance. I needed sleep, I had to pay attention driving, I had other responsibilities to myself and to family and friends. And so I made a decision to limit writing time (with a few exceptions). I don’t sit at my desk and spend a designated amount of hours each day. I write poems wherever I am when words come to me that intrigue, that seem to be leading to somewhere interesting. (Unlike ordinary thoughts, the opening lines of a poem seem “highlighted” in some way.) I still have notebooks in several places, but fewer. I rarely jump up from bed at night, though a poem may come out of a dream upon waking.

I consider these poems a divine gift, a sacred trust. And if I write something for someone, I try my best to get it to them. I hear the words and that is how I write them on the page, so that you can “hear” them too.

How do you find balance in your life between the inner and outer demands?

Listen to more video poems from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine

US Review of Books: Recommends Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

Exciting news to share with you! My book, “Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine,” is Recommended by US Review of Books! Yay! I am most grateful. Here is the review:

Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing by Margaret Dubay Mikus, Ph.D., Three Heart Press, reviewed by Donna Ford

“…take this lifeboat with me through some rough seas and calm, into the streaming light on the far shore. Let me tell you a story…”

Whether in the midst of a stormy period of life or having recently passed through such a time, you will instantly relate to what the author means by being thrown into the Frazzle Machine. Beating multiple sclerosis, breast cancer, and other health issues, Mikus remains so much more than a survivor. Taking inspiration from her full life as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend, she demonstrates how to overcome.

This collection of poignant poems resonates with the input of two halves of one skillful poet. The research biologist can be recognized by her wielding of medical knowledge and naming body parts unmentionable in polite company. The living woman pours out her experiences on behalf of readers who need support to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and move into future healing. Mikus’ sensitive words warm the reader similar to the gentle touch of a friend on the sufferer’s shoulder. Balancing the high drama inherent in hospital stays and visits is a series of poems titled “Evening Walks.” Vivid colors of the sky, trees, and glowing paths fade into evening to bring elements of peaceful closure to the often tiresome days of life.

Mikus has previously proven her skill as a poet of note by winning an Eric Hoffer award for As Easy As Breathing. Her lines of poetry are short and rhythmic, almost like a heartbeat. Punctuation is fluid to maintain the steady flow of thoughts and experiences. Repetition of key phrases is a technique used for emphasis, for example, “be loving… be joyful… be a good example.” The book is to be commended for its extensive Table of Contents and a Time Line covering events in the poet’s life between 2009 and 2014. These two organizational strategies help tie a specific poem to an actual life event.

RECOMMENDED by the US Review
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