This poem was inspired by a conversation in a parking lot with my friend, Geary Davis, who said one sentence that really soaked into me. I am grateful still.
Poem #12, “Put Down the Sword of Self-Wounding,” from my book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing, is about a healing a particular relationship, the one with myself. Listen: https://youtu.be/wlekuqQpQ9k
Put Down the Sword of Self-Wounding
After talking to Geary about a ritual to ease pain
Put down the sword
of self-defeat, self-demolition,
and self-defacing. Stop
stabbing myself in the vulnerable gut
in remorse, guilt, grief and regret
at what I could not
control or plan or shape.
Melt that sword
into the ploughshare
that carves the furrows
into which I place
the seeds I have been holding back.
flood the field,
let love shine upon them,
let the earth be fertile and loam-rich
and bountiful harvest my just reward.
After all the lifetimes
of all the dark and light alike
let my new life
result from a conscious new choice:
to put down the sword.
No more self-blame
self-criticism or self-judging,
no more crimson shame,
no more self-harsh words,
no more self-unkindness,
no more self-disrespect,
or screaming at myself
at perceived imperfections
or unbearable failings.
to the bone of things
to the bottom and top of memory,
on forgiveness, eaten
at a great feast of forgiveness.
And when sated,
love as dessert and
as the main course ever after.
Margaret Dubay Mikus
Does this feel at all familiar to you?