Category Archives: relationships

28–“My Daughter” from “Frazzle”

Each day I don’t sit down and select which poem to read for you. I started at the beginning of Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine and I continue reading chronologically…to tell the tale. Like all good stories there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. We are still in the beginning: getting to know the characters and the various “threads” that will be interwoven with the dramatic details into the overall narrative arc. This story is not just about external events of five years, but as close to actual life as I can capture: sublime sometimes, dark sometimes, messy and chaotic, or quiet and reflective, grieving or joyful, even funny sometimes. Being a mother is a major facet of my life.

“My Daughter

the full moon
and I am the tide
pulled inevitably
by her cycling…”

Poem 28 from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. Listen here: https://youtu.be/dY2BmQm0frQ

For more poem videos from “Frazzle”

“Put Down the Sword of Self-Wounding” from “Frazzle”

This poem was inspired by a conversation in a parking lot with my friend, Geary Davis, who said one sentence that really soaked into me. I am grateful still.

Poem #12, “Put Down the Sword of Self-Wounding,” from my book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing, is about a healing a particular relationship, the one with myself. Listen: https://youtu.be/wlekuqQpQ9k

5/28/09

Put Down the Sword of Self-Wounding

After talking to Geary about a ritual to ease pain

Put down the sword
of self-destruction
and self-immolation,

of self-defeat, self-demolition,
and self-defacing. Stop
stabbing myself in the vulnerable gut

in remorse, guilt, grief and regret
at what I could not
control or plan or shape.

Melt that sword
into the ploughshare
that carves the furrows

into which I place
the seeds I have been holding back.
Let forgiveness

flood the field,
let love shine upon them,
let the earth be fertile and loam-rich

and bountiful harvest my just reward.
After all the lifetimes
of all the dark and light alike

let my new life
result from a conscious new choice:
to put down the sword.

No more self-blame
self-criticism or self-judging,
no more crimson shame,

no more self-harsh words,
no more self-unkindness,
no more self-disrespect,

or screaming at myself
at perceived imperfections
or unbearable failings.

Only forgiveness
to the bone of things
to the bottom and top of memory,

forgiveness heaped
on forgiveness, eaten
at a great feast of forgiveness.

And when sated,
love as dessert and
as the main course ever after.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2009

Does this feel at all familiar to you?

Listen to more video poems from “Frazzle”

“Knowing What I Know…” from “Frazzle”

My husband Stephen and I met in college in January of 1972. I was 19 and he was 7 months older. We are no longer those people, who after becoming friends, fell in love that first summer and got married (once I graduated). We’ve changed over and over in 42 years of marriage. Often change is not in sync. It’s like that Bruce Springsteen song, “And if I fall behind, wait for me…” But we’ve been determined and worked through it all…to stay together.

Tonight we went to a powerfully moving recital by opera singer, Joyce Didonato. She continues to be a big inspiration for me to be fearless (including doing this video series). Because I wanted to see her, Stephen encouraged me to get the tickets. He found a lovely new sushi restaurant in Chicago and we made it through traffic to get parked and into the performance in good time, a feat in itself. Stephen liked it. I loved it, even tearing up by her last encore.

That’s one thing that’s kept us close. We each bring something different to the relationship. We’re willing to try something new. And we support each other. I am most grateful. What relationships are you grateful for?

Here is Poem 9 from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing: https://youtu.be/VLhrqr0rk6k

Listen to more video poems from “Frazzle”

“One Day When I Am Gone” from “Frazzle”

What do I want to say here today, if anything? Sometimes silence is best. Give a little space to breathe, to reflect.

So right now, as you read this, pause for a moment and take a deep breath. If you’re feeling stressed that breath probably stayed in the chest. If you can, give it another go, this time allow the belly to rise with the deep breath in, perhaps like you are filling all the interior space all the way down to the tips of your toes. And then slowly let it out. Perhaps breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth (very grounding). Letting out some of the tightness with the warm out-breath. Repeat if you wish. Let your shoulders drop, allow the tension you are carrying to gently fall off, just for now. Continue breathing…in…out…in…out…  How do you feel now?

For a while, whenever I checked in with my body I felt like I wasn’t breathing. Since I was conscious I must have been breathing, but the energy was not filling me up. And over time this takes its toll. One healthy goal is to retrain myself to breathe like this, from the belly like babies do naturally.

Here is Poem 8 from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope,and Healing:  https://youtu.be/5t0zK4MglS8

Listen to more video poems from “Frazzle”

Poems for Jenny Cooper

Chicago Botanic Garden Copyright 2016 MDMikus

Chicago Botanic Garden, Copyright 2016 MDMikus

A few years ago, I connected on Facebook with Jenny Cooper, another member of Eric Whitacre’s Virtual Choir. She had a breast cancer diagnosis and I sent her my book, As Easy as Breathing: Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation, to help if it could. (I wrote the book during my own cancer journey.) She was in her thirties with a loving husband, Chris, and two young sons. She became a vigorous online presence, healthcare advocate and educator, putting up vivid, honest videos of her ongoing journey. Jenny chose to life fully in every way. Despite aggressive treatment, her cancer returned and continued  to grow.

She went on hospice this summer and is now dying. I wrote these poems in the last few months in support and condolence, to help me as much as anyone. (My youngest sister was also dealing with stage 4 cancer, but is holding on at this point.) I stayed connected with both Jenny and her husband as she declined. I do not know why things happen as they do, but I do know that life has meaning. Jenny’s life touched so many and will continue to.

8/8/16

For Jenny Cooper
and Chris

In the mist
of dying
is the living
compressed

A hand to hold
is everything
a witness
to all of it

What is meaning
anyway, but
knowing you will be
missed

One way you leave
other ways you stay
no way to not be
remembered

Your own personal
flavor of immortality
your peace-heart
expanding out to the sky

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

 

8/25/16

For Jenny—One of Our Virtual Choir Family

What did you think
the end would look like?
Not this pain and suffering
more medications not covering
more drugged sleeping.

The bubble you live in
becoming smaller and smaller
time with husband and boys shorter.

Yes, the bucket list accomplished
the daily online posts
that express and convince
connecting still to the outside.
But why is this?
And why you?
A mystery as all of it
unfolds relentlessly.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

 

9/10/16

All the Days Are Numbered

Jenny and Chris Cooper

This is what dying looks like
on the good days
like living but sharper
like living but clearer
like living but deeper
the choices and chances more limited now

What is important cuts through the clutter
to take a pain-free breath
to savor a juicy peach
to hear your child’s laugh
to look in the eyes of, talk with,
hold the hand of your beloved

This is what the end looks like up close
at the edge of the unknown
all the love you have gathered to you
all the love you sent back out
This…noticing. This profound…awareness
of the part the path you walk alone…
and never alone, entirely still.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

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