Category Archives: poetry

Gratitude as an Antidote to Grief

Peony Open to Sun, by MDMikus Copyright 2016

Peony Open to Sun by MDMikus Copyright 2016

For 24 years I’ve taken voice lessons. Singing is part of it, of course, with a focus on recovery of my true full voice. But sometimes it’s about life lessons, releasing what’s in the way of the voice expressing. It’s about self-acceptance and stilling the harsh inner critic. It’s about letting go of control and setting out a premise, an intention to sing full out, and see what happens. It has also become about performance practice: my ability to deliver my poems and songs in the most powerful and effective way possible. To learn not to take up all the emotional space for some dramatic effect, but to be fully present and allow the listener to have their own emotional response, to feel what they need to feel.

My gifted voice teacher, and long-time friend, is Kip Snyder. He was the former music and artistic director of the Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus during the peak of the AIDS epidemic. He knows about grieving. From the beginning of my writing poetry (and songs) 20 years ago, I brought them to my lessons and Kip treated it like this was totally normal. His deep listening and easy acceptance was crucial to encouraging the baby steps that lead to my own acceptance of being a poet. We’ve worked together through multiple sclerosis, multiple cancers, heart disease, hernia repairs, kidney stones and grief for many reasons, as well as laughter and joy, the fullness of life.

Months ago, to get ready to record poems from my latest book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine, I began reading aloud 3 to 6 poems per lesson, starting at the beginning of the book and continuing chronologically. We also might vocalize and work on songs, but doing the reading was consistent. Invariably these poems would “happen to fit” what was going on in life at that moment. And we would look at each other with “that look” and shrug at the mysteries of the Universe.

In a lesson a month ago I read the poem, “Gratitude as an Antidote to Grief,” and I could see in Kip’s eyes and face that he resonated with in it a big way. This was powerfully affirming for me: to deeply move someone with my writing and my reading. This is what he said (from the 5/11/16 recorded lesson):

“I think that is one of the most valuable ones that’s in the book. It really is. I see why people would contact you and say, it’s what I needed, right on the money. For people dealing with loss… this is the light at the end of the tunnel.”

This poem is from the part of the book around the time of my mother’s death. She was the third and last of our parents to pass away in a very short time. I wrote this poem as comfort for my youngest sister…and myself. It turned out to be the day before Mom died. It seems particularly apropos right now with the shooting this week in Orlando. May it be a comfort to someone.

7/13/12 PM

Gratitude as an Antidote to Grief

For Dorothy

Grief as a tidal wave
after the tsunami
washing lives out to sea.

Roots ripped out
of living trees,
no end to sorrow.

But to be grateful
for what is and was,
even as future is lost

to notice and bless
peace and stillness
in place of struggle.

To hope for music
and music comes,
to imagine comfort

of holding a hand,
singing a childhood song,
praying a familiar prayer,

to desire someone to act as if
I were there,
and it is done.

Blessings on everyone.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2012

From Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine:
Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

Poem Inspired by a Photo by Eric Whitacre

Inspiration comes from all around. It can be very insistent. I may hear some specific words line up, feel compelled to follow and see where that takes me. It feels good. Or I may see some light, shadow and pattern or colors and want to catch them in a photo.

Eric Whitacre is a composer, conductor, and charismatic speaker. He is the creator of Virtual Choir and an all around good guy. I have written many poems inspired by him and his music and the Virtual Choir experience. On his Facebook page he’s been posting photos he takes with his iPhone. Some are in color, some in black and white. On March 24th he posted a photo he took from where he was that day. This picture haunted me, insisting I write this poem. What inspires you to create?

3/24/16

Photo by Eric Whitacre
L.A., Thursday morning, in black and white

What happens before or after
we are not privy to, waves stilled
the calm water on the diagonal
the hard-packed flat sand with few lines
of footprints roughly parallel.

Scattering of clouds in motion
the sun muted and land-bound.
In the distance the Ferris wheel on a pier
precisely drawn yet in silhouette.
The solitary figure heading there or near
or going up to and returning.
The deep horizon both
inviting and ever-retreating.

An unseen witness
who catches this exact moment
between one sandy step and another
without comment except
the frame—what is in, what is out.
Is the man alone or waiting for someone
is he at the beach reflecting, making a decision
or regretting or anticipating?

What is the story this one scene
is part of, perhaps insignificant
perhaps the tragic or comic climax
the still moment before the world changes into
…before…and…after
and no going back to what was.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

Other blog posts with poems inspired by Eric Whitacre  (also some photos)

The Extended Story of the Perfect “Frazzle” Cover Photo

48-MDMikus--Mother's Day in MI--08

Dorothy is on the left.

It was 2014. I couldn’t quite settle on the title for a poem collection I was working on. I called my sister, Dorothy, and tried out a number of possibilities. She didn’t care for any of them. She is very honest. She asked, “Don’t you sometimes use a poem title for the book title?” I went back through all the poems in the book and came up with three choices. One in particular seemed to fit. I called my sister and she agreed. And so was named “Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine.”

The poem is about a phone call from my gynecological surgeon with a surprise cancer diagnosis. I was alone. It was a week after a hysterectomy that had gone smoothly and lab tests had shown no cancer. But further analysis picked up endometrial cancer. Crazy. No further treatment was recommended, just “enhanced surveillance” every three months for two years. We had made a crucial decision to do the classic surgery with a 10 inch-incision, not the laparoscopic procedure. This decision meant that the unexpected cancer cells had not been spread throughout my body, but were contained in the intact uterus, which had been completely removed. I had a bit longer recovery, but no cancer. (Last month I “graduated” from the enhanced surveillance.) So this poem was in many ways a capsule of what the book was about: life’s twists and how in the end it all turns out.

12/19/13

Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine
Phone call from Dr. Alok Pant

How long does it take to
find the ground

to wrap the mind around
another cancer diagnosis

life ongoing
remember that

the choice made
one recent night

to live…still
much to do

who am I now
alone and in relation to.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2013

Once the title was in place the cover image immediately came to mind. I had taken a series of photos the year before after a vacation in Wisconsin. We’d stayed in Sturgeon Bay and my husband discovered Popelka Trenchard Fine Art Glass Gallery. We watched a glass blowing demonstration, seeing a small vase take shape from the molten strands of glass. We bought the vase as our souvenir. Back at home I was sitting at my kitchen table looking at the intricate patterns and the sun shone down through the skylight. I was captivated by the swirling colors in the light and took a series of photos with the camera lens in the vase pointed at the bottom. One of them, “Light through Once Molten Glass,” turned out to be exactly right for the new book cover: a central vortex with light streaming through the darkness to create beauty. What had been molten blobs was skillfully shaped into a new creation we saw being “birthed.” Perfect.

What is your creativity “birth” story?

Lovely Winter Surprise

I just had the loveliest surprise and I wanted to share it with you. I happened to be on iBooks tonight and found a 5 star review of my book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine. Just warmed me up, for sure!

Here it is:
“This beautiful book of poems touches all of my emotions. It leaves me weeping, laughing, soaring with possibilities, and speaks to me intimately. Her poetry is a beautiful gift.” Fletch62.

I am most grateful!!!

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

Inspired by David Bowie: Poems– Part 2

Piccadilly, London, England by MDMikus, Copyright 2005

Piccadilly, London, England by MDMikus, Copyright 2005

These are the remaining poems (with one exception) that I wrote related to the passing of David Bowie nee David Robert Jones. As time passed I consciously stepped back. I read less and listened less to the songs and interviews, trying to overcome what had become a small obsession. I had wanted to drain all the juice out of this experience, know all that could be known. Put it in all into the bubbling stew pot of my creativity and see what came of it. What insights, what counsel on how to be an artist, how to live fearlessly, how to love whole-heartedly, how to die with grace. I wondered if what seemed to me to be essential questions might not be understood by anyone else. And then Nancy on LinkedIn responded with a comment that showed she got exactly what I was after in the first set of poems. Thank you!

I should say this is not a game to see if you can guess what I was going for. Any poem clearly has many interpretations. What I originally had in mind was one intention at one specific time. Later I may or may not even remember what I was thinking before. Sometimes when I read a poem after time has passed I am snapped back to exactly where I was when I wrote it, what I felt, all the details. And sometimes I read it fresh and see in the lines what I did not see when I was too close. I love hearing about other experiences of the poems. Part of the process seems to me to be co-creative, what you bring to the reading matters to the whole…right now.

Worldwide the death of David Bowie affected many people. Most of us did not know him, meet him, or even see him on a concert stage. Did he represent–through his songs and performances–a part of our lives when his music was the soundtrack to growing up? Did his reinventions open some door or make you feel less alone? Or perhaps some part of his story you did not know until now moved you or inspired you. Maybe he allowed you to see into the process of creation and urged you to make something of your own creative impulses. What will you make?

1/20/16

Bowie Transitions

To slump down
in mid-stride
last breath breathed
with family around

no torment or regret
a longing for more yet
opening the beckoning door
not a fight or fear

but gentle release into
whatever there is.
Smile intact and grace
returning to this paradise.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

 

1/20/16

David Bowie and More

Without a doubt
any telling of the story
selects and leaves out.
The final tale depends
on the point of view, the filter
of the one telling
telling it to whom.

Snippets taken out of context
what you see is what you get
unless time taken to expand
time stolen in reflection
dreaming with intention
intent on paying attention.

What is the meaning of any one life?
What was made of the moments
stacked up, always numbered
while seeming endless.
Not whether death was cheated but
whether life was served
whether radiant love expanded until
it overcame every earthly thing.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

Man on a Horse, Granada, Spain by MDMikus (c) 2005

Man on a Horse, Granada, Spain by MDMikus (c) 2005

1/21/16

Nature of the Artist

The artist is by nature
different
sees and feels what isn’t there
yet
compelled to create
by forces benign and malignant
without regard to balance
to personal cost
To survive then is to find
the narrow path
where the voices are fed
the body sustained
and the mind remains
an open container from which
the jumble is untangled
A feather brush is all it takes
to encourage new creation and
a feather brush is all it takes
to tip over into destruction

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

 

2/3/16

David Bowie Reflection in 3 Parts

1. After

People can say whatever they want
and some of it may be true
or true once when I knew you
true from a certain slant or
through a particular filter

From wherever I am
I will know everything then
and control nothing
nothing to forgive or regret
while bathed in that luminous ever-present

And if it is all quiet
no one speaking of me or
remembering even a little
or reading something I left
splashed all over the place

Well, I would hope I left enough
worthy of finding again
enough to turn up in
some future excavation
and I could speak or
sing from the heart again

Amen

2. Before

In the contract you signed
but do not remember
you agreed to the concept
of limitation and loss
with no understanding from experience
what that would mean, the inevitable pain
that would bring, at what cost.
The end of breath, of connection, of touch
not the end of love, of kindness
but how it feels is what you came for
expansion to learn from…to become.

3. Right Now

Dozing in my simple boat
securely tied to a sturdy dock
by a thick nautical rope

yet cut adrift by some hand
not rope undone, but severed by someone
and I am here now out of sight of land

never good at distance swimming
nor even floating with or against a current.
I have to find a way out of no way

starting here, with what I have
or can imagine, drawing what allies I can
opening…breathing…remembering kindness

to gentle anxiety over what I can’t see.
Against all evidence, the possibility
of a potentially friendly Universe.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

Reflection Above Theatre, London, by MDMikus (c) 2005

Reflection Above Theatre, London, by MDMikus (c) 2005

2/7/16

Usually…Sometimes…Later

Usually
not suddenly gone
first preparation
for leave-taking
then final breath
essence left

Sometimes
it is blink fast
from living breath
then last
Everything
led to this moment
this choice
this rippling out
of a life snuffed

Later
transparent clarity or
impenetrable mystery,
the mist resolves
or never lifts,
epiphany
or unending stasis,
a choice where
not choosing is
still choosing

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

Profile in Air, by MDMikus (c) 2005

Profile in Air, by MDMikus (c) 2005