Taking the First Small Step

Once again I have gotten tangled in the need to be perfect, to not make mistakes, to not appear foolish. I want to know now what I will only know later. And so I have not begun my blog even though I am bursting with writing I want to share. I need an outlet. I want connection. And if nothing happen with all of this, well, so be it. But I am doomed to fail, if I do not begin.

I am not going to say much about myself as introduction. More can be found about me on my website, http://www.fullblooming.com/. The past two years I have done some very intense healing work prompted by a third breast cancer tumor and genetic testing that showed a BRCA 2 mutation. Some of this I may talk about as we go along and some I will not. For now just to say I am doing well, hanging in there, still working on healing. Yet again, health issues pushed me into another transformation. I have gathered to me a lot of support and I am most grateful.

For today, I want to share a poem I wrote recently:

2/4/09

Meltdown

To melt,
to be liquefied
under high heat.

To go down,
to fall,
to not be rising.

To change the state of matter,
to become more dispersed,
to be more and less than.

To lose emotional control,
to weep unceasingly,
to seek higher ground

and not find.
To float lost
as if it would always be thus.

To release,
to let go the anchor,
to be unwilling to jump

and yet jump
or be pushed
by dire circumstance.

To come out the other side
of this trial by fire,
to know it would always

end this way.
To be cleansed,
to re-form,

to cool and coalesce,
altered, yet beautiful,
even luminescent.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2009