Category Archives: inspiration

My First Journey Through Breast Cancer

AEAB-front-cover

 

My first book, As Easy as Breathing: Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation, tells the story of my first journey through breast cancer and into recovery and renewal. Over the years these poems have supported many people going through cancer as well as other challenges (like depression). Perhaps a gift for you or someone you know?

 

 

This poem came to mind from As Easy as Breathing.

Let the Body Speak

if it wants rest…
give rest,

if it wants motion…
give motion.

Do not nag or numb,
poke or prod,
just listen

to the ancient wisdom
spoken in language
older than any other.

Let the Body speak
in quiet, even tones,

let the Body speak
without shouting in anger

at such long neglect,
at such secondary status.

We inhabit this particular Body,
which is in our care,

for good reason,
not to frustrate us

with tests we can’t pass,
not to beat on mercilessly

“no pain, no gain,”
but to protect our luminosity,

to enjoy, to love, to grow with.
Let the Body speak

and then listen
and act on its behalf.

The Body knows precisely
what it needs, just ask…

and listen.
Be gentle, approaching

as you would a wary puppy;
put out your hand and edge closer.

The Body is familiar with deceit,
with promises made and not kept.

Trust will take time to build;
it is so easy to fall back

into old familiar patterns.
But I tell you this:

we will not regain full power
until the Body is an equal partner.

Let the Body speak…
and listen.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1998

cd-cover

 

Listen to track #30 on my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal

Inviting You to a Celebration

Roadside store, Door County, Wis., Copyright 2015--MDMikus

Roadside store, Door County, Wis., Copyright 2015–MDMikus

Twenty years ago this week I began a poetic journal to “sing from the heart.” I had healed from multiple sclerosis and my creativity was cracked open. The words lined up in my ear, compelling me to write them down, see where they would take me. This was quite a surprise since I had a Ph.D. in Microbiology and had been headed for a career in molecular genetics research and teaching.

But something about writing the poems aligned me, healed me, even increasing my body temperature (another story) indicating reduced stress. At first I didn’t know what to do with them, maybe they were just for me. But I noticed that sometimes when I spoke to someone, recent poems would come to my mind. I sent them a packet of poems and they responded. The poems helped.

Sometimes after talking with someone a poem would come to me for them, not the entire thing at first, but those compelling opening lines that led to the rest. If I read the finished poem aloud to them, often I could feel the words soak in. And that poem changed some thing, shifted some small thing. I keep a folder of letters that I got after such events to remind me that this work matters, to not get so discouraged that I stop writing.

Tied Boat, Door County, Wis., Copyright 2015 by MDMikus

Tied Boat, Door County, Wis., Copyright 2015 by MDMikus

So for you now, here are a few recent poems. During this past year I have had several serious medical problems and at one point the poems stopped coming. I wondered if the “run” was over and I grieved the loss. But I also waited to see. All these years I have worked on building trust and patience. When I am in the middle of a “shift” –physical, mental, emotional, spiritual—in the past I might stop writing…as if change is hard to do on the fly. “Sometimes you have to stop and take stock, be quiet enough to listen, raise a finger to the wind…” (see below)

And that was true this time. The writing began again and had changed. But the joy of expression, the trance feeling of time that disappeared, the joyfulness, that was back. So in celebration of two poetic decades here are poems inspired by, or that directly came out of songs by Krista Detor, including from her new CD, Barely. Usually it takes me some time to grow into loving a new CD of hers; the earlier ones had become such heart-favorites. But this time, I fell in love with these lush songs instantly. And my poems flowed out of her music. Listen for yourself.

10/6/15

From Krista’s New CD

The story behind
every song bright or dark
where it came from
where it is going
what life happened
what was chosen

combined with the lilt
and grace notes, the flexibility
the hope of conveying something
complex maybe or maybe
ultimately simple
just soak it in and do not worry
about the intention, let it be

what it is
without interpretation

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2015

10/7/15

Krista

When you sing
there is a certain inevitability
as the words line up
and you remember.

Fingertips brushing the feathers
the pure church bells of notes
that soar and swoop
dance and turn expressing
unbidden emotion, drawing us in
to feel again.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2015

10/7/15

A Story True and Not True
Krista: The World is Water

Let me remove the stray thread
from the sleeve of your jacket.
It could have been white or black
no matter it doesn’t belong.
I pluck it off casually
and we keep walking along.
Listening to Krista before sleep—
it is not what I dream
but what I wake up from.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2015

Watching Sunset, Fish Creek, Wis., Copyright 2015 by MDMikus

Watching Sunset, Fish Creek, Wis., Copyright 2015 by MDMikus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The rest of the poem from above, one of the early “signature” poems:

After Lisel Mueller

Sometimes
you have to stop

and take stock,
be quiet enough

to listen,
raise a finger

to the wind;
be still enough

to hear direction
even when heart

pounds in the darkness…
sometimes.

Sometimes
living life

is not writing,
but living,

not writing,
but waiting.

Sometimes
you must breathe out

before you can
breathe in again.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1999

From As Easy as Breathing

Clouds and Road, Door County. Copyright 2015 by MDMikus

Clouds and Road, Door County. Copyright 2015 by MDMikus

Weaving Reality with Fiction: Contemplating Healing

For almost as long as I can remember, reading has been my escape, distraction, teacher, amusement, consolation, friend, and a welcome alternate reality. When my Mom passed away in 2012, it was natural for me to seek comfort in reading. One of the books that drew me in was by Laurie R. King. This poem (from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine) came to me, weaving my real life with her fictional world, making some kind of sense from the (temporarily) numb place I was in. How about you? Any books that moved you or gave solace or understanding?

9/6/12

Reading Garment of Shadows
by Laurie R. King

I couldn’t see myself
on the other side of darkness
you lose a mother only once

what is broken cannot be fixed
what reassurance
could be offered
what meaning or strength

found in contemplating healing?
It is as if I woke with amnesia
unaware of who I am

clues all around of someone
who lived where I lived
and worked and was a friend

but who she is now
or who might know
or what road to follow…?

In the meantime…
sun rises…sun sets
the day is sunny or gray

put one foot in front of the other
the nights blending together
I dream in language I do not understand.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2012

From Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. Print edition now on amazon.com. (Also widely available as an ebook.) Thank you for sharing!

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

“Startling Starlings” from Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine

12/12/11

Startling Starlings
Everett Road west of Riverwoods

In the middle of a murmuration
landscape and sky covered by wings
myriad dark apparently separate bodies
climb and swoop and soar in evident synchrony,
how can that be? Mysterious symphony
immersed in all that majestic energy
a blessing particularly chosen for me.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2011

From Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine

I am posting this poem here for Harold Grandstaff Moses who mentioned this phenomenon today on Facebook. This is my experience of murmuration. If you don’t know this term, it is that swooping, soaring sky-dance of a huge flock of starlings that stay in perfect synchrony. Amazing to witness! I was near my house, driving by an open field and into the middle of this awesome spectacle. I stopped the car to watch and laughed out loud at the wonder of it.

Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing is now available in print as well as popular E-book formats. (The paperback has black and white photos and the E-book has 11 full color pictures with the poems.) Check it out! And spread the word! Thank you!

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

A Moment of Grace (meeting Eric Whitacre)

In an earlier post I wrote about meeting composer and conductor, Eric Whitacre. This is about inner guidance that came to me that night.

As I sat in Alice Millar Chapel in Evanston two feet from him, I felt that familiar feeling of smallness, almost wanting to become invisible. I was afraid I would try to speak and fumble with the words, mumbling something inane. I feared not being…well, myself…meeting someone I greatly admired, a gifted musician, a public figure, a gorgeous guy. Normally I am very articulate and love meeting new people. In fact, that night I had met a number of local members of Virtual Choir (and their partners) for the first time. I even read a few of my VC inspired poems for them. But sometimes, unknowingly…all my insecurities get triggered. Have you ever felt this way?

This was my first solo outing after recovery from major surgery in December. It was a harsh winter to be out in, and I still felt vulnerable. I am grateful Elisabeth Smith, a Virtual Choir team member, urged me to not pass up this opportunity.

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I have to say the whole evening was amazing in every regard, restoring my confidence. Several new poems were inspired by that night. Here is one, from my new book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. (Thank you, Jonathan Cohen for generously sharing your great photos.) By the way, Eric is genuinely lovely and warm, insightful and funny, both in front a group and with each person who wanted to speak to him, a rare quality indeed.

2/8/14

Amidst the Buzz
Eric Whitacre at Alice Millar Chapel

“Do not make yourself small”
the silent voice said as I sat at the end of the pew

in the chapel where I’d never been…
and very close to you.

I had become smaller, to not be noticed perhaps,
familiar feeling I could not trust?

As an experiment I let go of
feeling intimidated.

I uncrossed my arms and breathed
air into my body as if blowing up an inflatable doll.

Could I become myself,
risk being at full strength,

no excuses to fall back on if I failed
in my clearly unstated mission?

Breathe, expand, feel energy flowing,
slowly aura grows, needing nothing.

Breathe and hold the space,
no questions to ask, only listening.

Receive what is offered, no control over anything,
feeling awareness of everything,

holding the space for what was to be, as if
every word spoken by anyone was wisdom passed down

for everyone, including and especially for me.
Give and receive, barriers and barricades demolished,

vulnerable and powerful,
the truth suddenly so obvious.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014

From Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing now available to pre-order. Thank you for your support!

Read more posts and poems inspired by Virtual Choir and Eric Whitacre