Category Archives: compassion

Poems for Jenny Cooper

Chicago Botanic Garden Copyright 2016 MDMikus

A few years ago, I connected on Facebook with Jenny Cooper, another member of Eric Whitacre’s Virtual Choir. She had a breast cancer diagnosis and I sent her my book, As Easy as Breathing: Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation, to help if it could. (I wrote the book during my own cancer journey.) She was in her thirties with a loving husband, Chris, and two young sons. She became a vigorous online presence, healthcare advocate and educator, putting up vivid, honest videos of her ongoing journey. Jenny chose to life fully in every way. Despite aggressive treatment, her cancer returned and continued to grow.

She went on hospice this summer and is now dying. I wrote these poems in the last few months in support and condolence, to help me as much as anyone. (My youngest sister was also dealing with stage 4 cancer, but is holding on at this point.) I stayed connected with both Jenny and her husband as she declined. I do not know why things happen as they do, but I do know that life has meaning. Jenny’s life touched so many and will continue to.

8/8/16

For Jenny Cooper
and Chris

In the mist
of dying
is the living
compressed

A hand to hold
is everything
a witness
to all of it

What is meaning
anyway, but
knowing you will be
missed

One way you leave
other ways you stay
no way to not be
remembered

Your own personal
flavor of immortality
your peace-heart
expanding out to the sky

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

8/25/16

For Jenny—One of Our Virtual Choir Family

What did you think
the end would look like?
Not this pain and suffering
more medications not covering
more drugged sleeping.

The bubble you live in
becoming smaller and smaller
time with husband and boys shorter.

Yes, the bucket list accomplished
the daily online posts
that express and convince
connecting still to the outside.
But why is this?
And why you?
A mystery as all of it
unfolds relentlessly.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

9/10/16

All the Days Are Numbered

Jenny and Chris Cooper

This is what dying looks like
on the good days
like living but sharper
like living but clearer
like living but deeper
the choices and chances more limited now

What is important cuts through the clutter
to take a pain-free breath
to savor a juicy peach
to hear your child’s laugh
to look in the eyes of, talk with,
hold the hand of your beloved

This is what the end looks like up close
at the edge of the unknown
all the love you have gathered to you
all the love you sent back out
This…noticing. This profound…awareness
of the part the path you walk alone…
and never alone, entirely still.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

Please share this post if it might help anyone.

Dealing with Darkness

I don’t think I am alone in feeling a lot of personal darkness these days. The news is filled with it. A Facebook post yesterday from Karla McLaren, M.Ed., reminded me of this poem from my CD, Full Blooming:Selections from a Poetic Journey. I chose poems for the CD to represent all of life and this was one aspect. Please feel free to share. Thank you.

12/22/02

Darkness So Absolute

When I am in the darkness
so absolute no light escapes or enters,
I can consider the idea that light exists
and remember and reminisce.

Though the tunnel seems eternal,
and I navigate by running ragged hands along rough walls,
I am willing to entertain the possibility
that eventually I will again escape into sun.

It has already been decided,
much to my relief, that I will not take my life;
love binds me here and I accept that as fact.
And so, in darkness, I sit or I walk

or I wait or I pray for the lifting of heavy sky.
And thus far, it has always lifted.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2002

Listen my reading on track #40. The CD is available in digital or physical form.

cd-cover

After Orlando

Do you know the Native American story about the grandfather telling about the two wolves we have inside us? This poem is partly from that story and from the Orlando shooting and all the others that continue unrelenting. An effort to work things through.

6/13/16

After Orlando
more becoming known

We are on permanent vigil as events
swirl and darken and repeat unrelenting
as petitions are again signed hopefully
as if that is the answer to everything

Not to knock petitions, I’ve signed my share
but once signed to relax as if
the signing was the action, the change?

All around is dark and light
Inside are the two kinds of wolves
Graphs can tell us some facts interpreted

but who creates the world we breathe in
Is this one of an infinite number
from all the choices that have been made?

Or is this the result of some agreement or
an earth school we knowingly signed onto
to learn something or unlearn something

to release or take on
becoming who we are…more loving?
And the two wolves we all have inside

one generous and loving, one angry and hate-filled
which one wins the fight was asked?
The one you feed.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

Loss of Robin Williams

Gift Gerbera Daisy by Margaret Dubay Mikus Copyright 2014

First blog post in a while (more is on Facebook). Wow the summer is going by fast!

I am very moved by the loss of Robin Williams, remembering all the varied, pitch-perfect roles over the years and the tears-running-down-the-face laughing at his comic genius. But there is a cost to fame. Much is being said about mental illness and addiction, but what pushes someone over the edge? I know very dark places and I am grateful I made it through. Thank you to all who helped me at the perfect times, so I could weather life-storms.

This poem from my upcoming book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope and Healing, came to mind to share today. Life in the public eye is especially hard for those who are sensitive souls. Although written with Robert Pattinson in the title I was thinking about all performers in the relentless public eye.

10/20/10

For Robert Pattinson
And the others

To be the perfect mirror
so that others see
what they most desire

is a special kind of hell.
To not be real,
anything your own,

celebrated but
not seen.
Invisible in your own skin,

when you step out
the image you created
precedes and masks you.

Who takes the trouble
to get to know you
in all quirky human complexity?

The more you say
“I am not a fictional character,”
the less you are believed,

an immense price to pay
for unexpected popularity,
ultimately unsought,

no matter the salary.

Flowers Catch April Sun by Margaret Dubay Mikus Copyright 2014

Inspired by Instrumental “Water Night” by Eric Whitacre

5/15/13

Hope and Directions
Listening Again to Instrumental Water Night

Calm, a sliver
away from sorrow,
but the body
the mind
knows rest in one

Shadows may be
respite…or darkness
lurking to jump out
no matter the security
of the neighborhood

How to follow a line
back to peace
from grief expressed
I wish I could tell you,
but know

there is a lifeline
to pull to shore
or crumbs you left behind
or someone nearby to
hold the vision of safety

And you will…and I will…
walk that line,
not together probably
but sometime…
and return…

And if death overtakes
someone close in the meantime
it is not their grim failure to outrun
but inevitable close of a chapter
however grace-filled and long

And if you believe or consider
we all circle back in some mystery
then, as a circle has no end,
it is not over yet…

And if something stirs up
the mud from the bed of the river
then time will settle every large or small particle
gently to the bottom again
and clarity and calm will rule the realm.

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For Jenny Cooper and Chris

For Jenny—One of Our Virtual Choir Family

All the Days Are Numbered

Darkness So Absolute

For Jenny Cooper
and Chris