Category Archives: healing

Inspired by Tom Prasada-Rao

Heading Back Home by Margaret Dubay Mikus, Copyright 2015

For me, the past year has been a “Twilight Zone” of one medical crisis after another—a new “surprise” before I’d even healed from the last one. From heart problems, possibly related to cancer treatment 23 years ago (with talk of a pacemaker) to 6 excision biopsies and 4 subsequent surgeries for melanoma, with an extreme allergy to the hypoallergenic tape, which caused blistering of my skin. Extended vertigo. I was hit by a motorcycle (no serious injury). A kidney stone (not my first, not the usual composition) led to a sudden jump in blood pressure. The procedure blasting the stone, went awry due to an equipment malfunction, which led to a whole array of ongoing problems including, bizarrely, a strained knee, which months later, is still debilitating. Interspersed with a sprinkling of other “issues” just for spice.

Not to whine or complain, but really? As it turns out, I’m doing ok. One moment at a time, remembering to breathe. Remembering I have healing tools and support. Remembering to ask for help.

Over and over again help has come to dig me out of the depths. My loving husband stepped up big time. Very few days have we both lost our “cool” in all this mess. Family and friends and my support team kept me going. Doctors who listen. Nature to rebalance. Books to escape with. Music to uplift. And the moving stories of others going through their own big-time challenges.

Tom Prasada-Rao is a gifted musician with a healing story. He is a lovely singer/songwriter who went through major cancer surgery this past winter. He wrote about it on Facebook, showing a photo of his long scar. Normally I don’t really care for post-surgery photos, but his story and attitude about his “bad ass scar” “increasing his street cred” was potent healing medicine for me as I headed into more of my own surgeries.

These are the 3 poems inspired by Tom and his music and courageous, loving, healing presence. My heartfelt thanks, Tom Prasada-Rao!

2/4/19

“Badass Scar”

Thank you Tom Prasada-Rao
for changing my anxious mind
in one heartfelt line
about your long surgery
and re-emergence into the light

As I face another visible scar
another 2 surgeries, not nearly
as complex or dangerous as yours
my troubles lightened and lifted
a smile appeared, no lie

Each scar—of the many—
a badge of survival
And the pain that comes still
even after months of healing
is nothing to what could have been

if cancer had won.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2019

2/13/19

Wounded Healer

of T P-R

Sometimes
stay very still
in one place
quietly breathing
and listen.
It is hard and
it is your job
to receive.
Not at some point
to restore or resume
or even to refresh
but to find
the new threads to weave
and then follow them out
of persistent darkness.
Tell your honest story
invite in those needing comfort
not to rebuild what was, but
to create who you are becoming.
To trust more
to be patient more than ever before.
To befriend darkness
to release and reveal.
To fully inhabit
this body with scars
measured in miles
in tears, in fears.
To go away, to dive deep
and come back
deeper still
loving.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2019

2/23/19

Doing Healing Work

from Tom and Eric and Karla
who have never met as far as I know

The hardest
when traveling
through and past
abject darkness
it to not become
dark
soaked in it
through and through
no matter how
it may damage you
and then spraying dark all around you
unaware, even unwilling.
No
I tell you true
do not choose to
go behind that door
in this life game show
we are creating.
Even if a dark dip
choose love
choose light.
Begin with you
let dark slide off you
“like water off a duck’s back”
as my mother used to say
to her sensitive daughter.
Or let dark overtake
temporarily, feel fully
and remember to release.
Or find your own metaphor
your own goal to aim for.
No matter what has happened
is happening
let go of fear
let go of mindlessness
remember you are a wondrous healer
think of all the scrapes and bruises
you no longer have, inside and out.
You are headed somewhere.
And if this is it
this black bottomless pit
where no light escapes or enters
remember
this is not who you are
only where you are.
Find a bird singing somewhere
or a leaf falling in the flowing river.
Find a cloud of any shape or color
or a clear cloudless depth of azure sky.
Find a song that uplifts
already written or write your own
maybe from your re-formation.
Look anywhere, there is a thread
or beginning of an idea of a thread
that can be woven into
a rope to shape into a ladder
to climb back out on.
Not avoiding the rich loam of life
the shell or armor of protection
as if nothing harsh or fatal
will get out or in
but consider
allowing the possibility of
transformation and transcendence.
Without change there is no growth
without growth there is no life.
Why else did you come?

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2019

One more bit of inspiration by Tom:
Although I’ve often read my poems to groups of people, it took years for me to record my first poem-video—just after my birthday in 2014. I was painfully shy about it. My willingness to make that first recording was inspired in part by Tom Prasada-Rao and his deeply heartfelt songs that he posted on Facebook. (I now have almost 70 poem-videos on my YouTube channel.)
Here is the blog post with my reading of that first poem, “I Know That.”

Or is you prefer, you can go directly to YouTube:
“I Know That”—on YouTube

Antidote to Anxiety

8/13/15

Antidote to Anxiety

Breathe
Easy to say, but to do?
guided imagery
therapy
Star of Bethlehem
Songs for the Inner Child
notice/practice

Breathe
count in and out and breathe
affirm and breathe
I am Peace (in)
I am Calm (out)
I am Safe (in)
I am Protected (out)
Seal Lullaby

Breathe
Balance energy
head hug
Cook’s Hook-ups
Stress relief remedies, but
not too much
imagine the scarves being pulled
out like from a magic top hat

Breathe…and count
1…2…3…in and 1…2…3… out
Drug a little, not like it
but necessary boat to get by for a while
Dig to the root cause
not everything has to be
solved at once

Breathe
manage pain
notice/practice
count
listen to Hildegard von Bingen chant
water outside plants

Breathe
stand face to the sun
call for help
receive
massage
acupuncture
healing energy

Breathe
kindness
rest
imagine restoration of optimism
Let belly rise and fall
like a baby breathes
open in the moment
Right here. Right now.
Distraction
Reading
2 bunnies in the yard
2 birdbaths and birds come
to drink and bathe
movies
Facebook

Breathe
hydrate
Breathe
eat good food
breathe
rest

wait

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2015

This poem is from a collection I assembled for my youngest sister, who is struggling with stage 4 breast cancer. I wrote it as a reminder to myself of what I did to reduce anxiety the summer I had a series of medical crises including kidney stones, etc.

Concert of American Music in Amsterdam

7/3/18

Concert of American Music in Amsterdam

Eric Whitacre conducting

To hold space
while healing takes place
or could, if it would.
A sacred container
a contract, a prearranged pact.
Not bluster under shadows
but constant heart-care
to see what could be
if only
and trust still
and be patient
for the long haul.
Not succumb to the taunt of fear
but invite fear to tea.
Discern, not despair
lightly hold the sphere
I will meet you there.
We are healers
we were made for these times
everything has led up to this.
On the good days, I remember.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2018

After the recent release of my book, Transcending Boundaries, this was the next poem I wrote inspired by composer/conductor, Eric Whitacre. This powerful, glorious music soaked right into me, healing, loosening, nourishing, supporting. Listen if you can–on Dutch radio4.

This references a previous poem of mine, “Invite Fear to Tea.” Read it in this previous post. From my CD, Full Blooming (track 54).

 

 

 

 

Another inspiration was the heartening essay by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, “We Were Made for These Times.”

“Absolution” from Full Blooming CD

I was going through my computer files to track down a poem from the past and I stumbled across this poem I recorded on my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal. It seemed to speak to me today. Perhaps you too.

11/3/04

Absolution

Am I absolved
because I knew
about these things,
but could do nothing?

Nothing except feel
and write,
nothing except speak
with passion,
nothing except send
healing energy,
nothing except vote
my conscience,
nothing except to be
in the world a woman of peace.

But I could not stop
atrocities, I could not
heal wounds deep,
inflicted by leaders
blind to the consequences
of their actions.

No, I could not do these things…
and yet I continue walking
from one day to the next,
I continue breathing,
and if I am still living
it must be for some reason.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2004

Listen to track 52 on my Full Blooming CD

Wanting to Help But Stymied and “TB” Review

A poem from Transcending Boundaries: Inspired by Eric Whitacre and Virtual Choir
(mentioned in a new 5-star review by Corina Luna Dea–see below):

2/7/14

Wanting to Help But Stymied

After meeting Eric W.

I cannot unravel the mystery for you,
I cannot heal your harsh lessons or gentle ones,
I can only say what is true
for me, for now, that is all.

I can only set in motion and wait patient-trusting,
knowing I may never know the outcome
prepare as best I can, as a vessel follow the heart,
the energy path laid out.

Dry from rain,
bask in sun,
rejoice in cold or warm,
each feeding what is to come.

If I could tell you I would,
if time expanded and opportunity,
but like molecules in pure liquid
we bump somewhat randomly

or if not, according to some grand plan.
Bump, bounce back, bump into again.
The globe is clearly large and also infinitesimal,
we do not know what we do not know.

But I can tell you as I ascend
from the depths again,
we will know it all in the end:
There is only one of us here.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014

Transcending Boundaries: Inspired by Eric Whitacre and Virtual Choir

A new 5-star review for Transcending Boundaries by poet, Corina Luna Dea. Thank you!

“Honored to share this beautiful poetry book by my dear poet sister Margaret Dubay Mikus. A prolific poet, through her passion for the Virtual Choir, she brings our attention to how we define boundaries and how we can transcend them through music and art.

Here it is my review on Amazon <3

Margaret creates once again a beautiful collection of poems inspired by the art that speaks to her heart. Even though this book is inspired by the author’s personal passion for music, the title, “Transcending Boundaries” speaks to a deeper need that we face as humans in times when boundaries seem to be imposed, rather than chosen on personal or collective values.

“There is only one of us here”-the author writes in her poem “Wanting to Help but Stymied-After meeting Eric W”. This is the theme that you will come across as you dive deeper into the Virtual Choir experience. “First was the word and then vibration in translation”-sacred poetry inviting us all to transcend our own boundaries and give in to what makes us feel alive. I highly recommend this book of poetry. Allow the words to take you into the Collective Virtual Choir and transcend all boundaries and labels that we are conditioned to believe as true and real.”